Who ate my jelly?😤

I don’t know about your family, but I live with a bunch of people that want to eat on a regular basis. It’s driving me crazy. I can pretty much survive on coffee, cereal, peanut butter and jelly, and wine, so this eating three meals a day and wanting constant snacks is just too much for me. I seriously eat toasted PB&J like 4 times a week and I’m fine with it. Food is not that important to me so I eat whatever I can find. When people ask me what I want to eat and I respond with “I don’t care” I really actually don’t care. I will eat whatever someone else makes as long as it’s onion-less. My family, on the other hand, wants food at all times. They need to know what we’re eating and when we’re eating it, and for some reason, they think this is my problem. I’m not having it!

The real problem is, I don’t like to grocery shop; I hate it actually. We have to run out of virtually everything before I will muster up enough strength to place an online grocery order that is delivered to my house because I think grocery shopping is the worst task, even if it doesn’t require me to set foot in an actual store. I don’t know why this is such an issue for me, but unless we’re out of toilet paper or ketchup, I’m not going to the store. I buy food out of necessity and because evidently, it’s my job. Apparently, moms are supposed to feed their families, and cook, and know what we’re eating for lunch on Saturday even though it’s only Monday. OMG, go away from me right now!

Actual things I’ve said out loud:

“Are you seriously eating a cheeseburger on the toilet right now? You’re sick!”

“Why are you hiding in the pantry?” “OMG, stop eating!!!” “NO MORE SNACKS!”

“Dude, we JUST ate how can you be hungry already?!”

“Why are there fruit snacks in the washing machine?”

“I found Gogurt wrappers in your bathroom garbage can again, how many times have I told you not to eat while you’re going to the bathroom? That’s disgusting!”

“Seriously?!!? Who ate a bowl of soup in the closet?”

“Yes, we can have scrambled eggs and root beer floats for dinner!”

I go through phases with cooking. Sometimes I find my inner Betty Crocker and I meal plan, and get regular grocery deliveries and cook gourmet meals every day. Sometimes we go through an eating out phase and we just grab whatever. Currently, we’re in an – I don’t want to cook OR go out to eat – phase, which is apparently hard and really bothering everyone in my family. Warm up a hotdog or have a can of green beans. Why can’t you just eat a Hot Pocket like a normal person? There’s a 5lb bag of Captain Crunch in the pantry go eat that or have some beef jerky. Be creative, GEEZ!

“But, we’re out of milk”

“Again!!!!???? Uggggggghhhhhh………!!!!!!!” go away from me right now!

I can cook, and am pretty good at it when I want to make the effort, but sometimes I just don’t want to. I don’t want to lately and I’m annoyed by my family’s constant hunger. I’m officially over it with the “what’s for dinner?” conversation that happens the minute I get my kids from school, and I actually yelled said out loud the other day “STOP ASKING ME THAT EVERYTIME YOU GET IN THE CAR!” and meant it. I generally get a text around 4:30 from my starving husband asking “do we have a plan for dinner?” which is his subtle way of finding out if I’m cooking without actually asking me if I’m cooking. Hubs ain’t dum’ 😉. If I have a plan for dinner I usually respond back lovingly with “We’re having _______ for dinner tonight, honey. I hope your day is going well, I love you, hurry home!” If I don’t have a plan, I’m instantly mad at hubs for making me feel like a failure because I don’t want to cook for my family again. I just say not yet, but I’ll figure something out. Narrator: she is in fact instantly mad at hubs when he asks if she has a plan for dinner, and often wants to angry text him back “WHATEVER YOU MAKE IS THE PLAN. HAVE A HOT POCKET LIKE A NORMAL PERSON!”

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Last weekend my kids invited themselves to spend the night with my parents, and one of my kids said: “I love going out to Grandma and Poppy’s because they always cook really good food for us, and usually, they let us pick what we’re having.” I laughed out loud because 1. That’s true, and I actually love going to stay with my parents for the same reason, and 2. How sad is it that my kids invite themselves to spend the night with people so that they can eat three fully cooked meals while they’re there? Grandparents are the best and my kids know how to work the system, for sure.

This morning I went to make myself my usual gourmet peanut butter and jelly and discovered one of my family members ate the last of the jelly and didn’t tell me. The nerve! It was like finding out we have a 5lb bag of Captain Crunch and no milk; it was a sad moment for me and for my sandwich. It’s kinda’ hard to have a toasted PB&J when you don’t have any J. Needless to say, my online grocery delivery just arrived because mama needs her jelly! Since I have food now, one would assume I might actually make a plan for dinner tonight. I don’t want to though. Instead, I think I’ll call my parents and invite ourselves out for dinner at their house because my apples didn’t fall from a tree that doesn’t also know how to work the system. I ain’t dum’ either! We’re coming for ya’ Grandma and Poppy, and everyone is STARVING, except me!

T.

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12 thoughts on “Who ate my jelly?😤

  1. I love it (actually get really annoyed) when my husband refers to the “someone” who didn’t do something. I look around at empty air and wonder who that “someone” could be? Fun to read! Completely agree! Mine are so picky too – they try their hardest to get out of eating real food just to get to the snacks. And yeah – ugh! Totally caught my 12 year old eating french fries on the toilet yesterday. GROSS! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Great read. Oh, my goodness that was funny! And I can relate to this. Give me some bread, avocado, mango and diet coke and I’m perfectly happy. Perhaps, also some coriander because I can be fancy but I’m never fussy!

    Liked by 1 person

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