4 Simple Words. 1 Large Impact.
50 Times That People Spoke Words So Profound, They Literally Changed Lives.
I posted this link on my FB blog page a couple weeks ago. It took a while to read through all 50 but there were some gems in there that really made me think. I’ve been given a lot of good advice over the years, and I’ve heard a lot of profound things that have stuck with me too. Every now and then we hear something that hits us hard and if we’re making any effort at all, changes our perspective.
I’m a podcast junkie lately and Joyce Meyer is one I listen to consistently. I like Joyce for several reasons, but mainly because we have some similar personality traits and I find her easy to relate to. Her story is inspiring and that’s putting it mildly, at best. Her life SUCKED REALLY BAD and she overcame it all and has complete peace now. She has everything she could ever possibly want or need, but complete peace, to me, seems like the ultimate ‘I’ve made it’ accomplishment. I have serious respect for her even though she regularly butchers a word which drives me crazy. I try and fail not to focus on it. For example, she once said: “I really wanted a hot fudge sundae” only she pronounced it as “Sun-Duh” which bothered me to my core. I ignore when she says “rather” instead of “whether” but SUN-DUH??? I’ll never unhear that which is really unfortunate. Thankfully, she still manages to hit me with something deep fairly often, and during that particular podcast it was this: “Hurting people, hurt people.” Let that marinate for a minute.
Hurting people, hurt people.
That message made its way into my ears so loudly, it was as if Joyce was yelling it directly at me. I sat with that thought floating around in my head for quite a while. Simple, profound, and it also makes so much sense, doesn’t it? When was the last time someone who was oozing with inner peace, hurt you? What about the last time you hurt someone, were you your best self at that moment? Not likely.
I started thinking about situations in my own life where I’ve been hurt, or I’ve hurt someone, and there were a few that instantly stuck out. I started to think about those situations again, but with the new perspective of ‘hurting people, hurt people’ and it was a game changer in a lot of ways. The way I viewed those hurts was different now. Not right away, but once I set that new information side by side next to the hurt, it fit. In each case, I could see how the ‘hurter’ was also a ‘hurtee.’ Having that new perspective helped me because instead of looking at my hurts as a personal attack, I could see them as someone else’s pain that was being projected or taken out on me. Or, sometimes, my own hurt that I’ve projected or taken out on someone else. That’s not the case for every hurt, but I’m guessing it fits a lot of the time.
I’m not saying that being hurt justifies hurting others; what I’m saying is that if you have hurts that you really want to heal from, a perspective change might be a good place to start.
Without being too specific I’ll give you a couple of recent examples in my own life.
I’ve had a rift with someone for 20+ years. We had both written each other off and just tolerated each other when we had to because we had to sometimes. A few months ago (because I felt a push) I threw out an olive branch. Basically, “if you want to move forward, let’s talk it out and fix it if we can.” Well, it didn’t take long before my phone started blowing up with things this person was upset with me about. They weren’t trying to be mean, they were just taking me up on my offer and since I opened the door, it was to be expected. I was stunned though, honestly, and at a total loss for words. ⬅️ *Rare* I knew this person didn’t like me but I had no idea how much resentment they were harboring. I didn’t respond right away because I knew my knee jerk reaction would have likely been defense – “Well, let me tell you about all the ways YOU’VE hurt ME!!!” Instead, I sat with those texts for a while and realized that some of the hurts were legitimate, regardless of intention. Others were hurts that landed on me simply because they needed a place to go and I was an easy choice. In any case, I was completely unaware of most of it. What occurred to me though, was that they were equally unaware of all the resentment I had been harboring and if I told them, they would likely be at a loss for words too.
In an effort to fix it and move forward I gave myself time to process and then opted to take a very simple approach. I said nothing about my hurts, not one word, and my only response to their hurt was a sincere apology and an eventual hug the next time we saw each other. It would have been so easy to rehash 20 years of pain and defend myself and believe me when I say, I wanted to defend myself because I had 20 years of hurt too. All that would have accomplished though, is each of us reliving the hurts all over again and probably, as a result, another 20 years of just tolerating each other. What I’ve realized with this new perspective is, it’s true; hurting people do in fact hurt people. While there had been moments where the hurt inflicted was/seemed intentional, most of the time, it was just misdirected pain. *and a lack of maturity on both sides* Sometimes a hug and a genuine apology go a long way. That doesn’t instantly make everything better, but it’s a fresh start and after 20 years of carrying that hurt around, it felt good to finally set it down.
The other situation didn’t work out the same way and ultimately resulted in a friendship loss. This person and I talked regularly for several years. I thought our friendship was genuine and that we had a certain level of respect for each other. Some things went down on their end that I wasn’t responsible for, but I ended up getting the brunt of their frustration. Their hurt landed on me over and over, and despite my best efforts to not let it affect me, it was affecting me negatively for much longer than I should have allowed it to. I believe wholeheartedly that most things can be worked out with conversation and understanding, but there was a defining moment when it became pretty clear that our friendship had run its course. That bothered me for a long time because 1) friendships are really important to me, and 2) I was mad at myself for caring about a friendship where I got burned over and over, but for whatever reason, kept going back to the fire. *Heart > Brain*
That ate away at me for a long time. I wanted to let them go but also knew that deep down they had a good heart and weren’t intentionally trying to hurt me. That’s the worst feeling, isn’t it? Being hurt but also being able to see someone’s heart and knowing deep down, it has nothing to do with you. I prayed about it for a long time and then I heard the podcast and that was what eventually helped me make peace. I recognized that the intention was never to hurt, it was just the side effect of someone else’s pain. I made peace with myself, I forgave, and then I moved on with my life – without them.
I don’t like losing people I’ve really invested in because I value my relationships so much. However, I’m at a stage now where I know when I lose someone it’s because they were never really meant for me in the first place. Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, the effort isn’t always reciprocated the way you hope it will be. So, instead of being upset at the idea of losing them, I choose to look at it as them losing me. Not everyone deserves a seat at your table, but forgiveness always does. Sometimes you can mend a relationship you had completely given up on, and sometimes you realize you can’t make forever out of someone who was only ever meant to be temporary. Go make yourself a hot fudge “Sun-Duh” and let things be what they are.
T.
322 Comments
This is so true! I love your two stories which really demonstrate the point. Well done for biting your tongue in the first one, not an easy thing to do! I had a friend who sadly fell into the second category. We haven’t spoken now for about 15 years and I harboured resentment along with guilt and sadness for a long time. I like the advice to think of it more of them losing me than me losing them. And to forgive them. Thank you for sharing 🙂
I am so glad it had a little impact on you, Alison. It’s hard to lose people but things always have a way of working out the way they were meant to. Thanks for the thoughtful comment.
This is very true..I am a highschool teacher and we always talk about how those friends who hurt you the most, usually have a lot of hurt themselves to work through.
So so true. It’s much easier to forgive than to carry a grudge. Thanks for commenting.
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El Agente Aduanal regula con precisión y conocimientos los procesos de despacho de mercancías de importación y exportación, que están sujetos a la inspección de aduanas y restricciones.
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cambio, tasas, derechos e impuestos sobre consumos específicos y de evaluación y clasificación de carga.
La documentación precisa y correcta evita los retrasos de envío que derivan en cargos adicionales que, en ocasiones, rebasan el valor de la mercancía misma.
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empleador para la jubilación; y amplía la cobertura de
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Por tanto, este documento recientemente aprobado contempla:
Ahora el número de semanas acumuladas que se requieren para disfrutar de las prestaciones del seguro
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en total . Esto significa que antes podía llevar 25 años recibir una pensión, ahora serán 15 años.
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