The “Dad Bod” 😍

Every era seems to come up with their own slang, and the “dad bod’ is a current term that has been granted my complete, and undivided attention. I was born in 1979 so I have been through several decades of slang.

The 80’s is my favorite decade and we (the 80’s and I are in a committed relationship) had some good slang: “gag me with a spoon” I think I actually used that term in my blog on #ManBuns the other day. “Phat” “gnarly” “like totally” “don’t have a cow” “I’m so sure” and “grody”. OMG, I want an 80’s do-over; please take me back! The beloved 90’s: “as if” “booyah” “bugg’n” “scrub” “not!” “hella” “butt munch” and my favorite,WHATeverrr”. It’s for sure that, or butt munch. Fine, it’s butt munch. I can feel your judgement, but I, like totally, don’t care! 2000’s: “kickin’ it” “dawg” “sweet” “it’s all good” “chill” “my bad” “da bomb” and “that’s whack” <<<LOVE! I will start throwing “that’s whack” in as many conversations I can, going forward, because that is some slang that just deserves more time. *GEM* Current: “on fleek” “yolo” “bae” “lol” “OMG” “lit” “salty” “#” and of course my new favorite….the “Dad Bod.” The current generation doesn’t know how to use their words, you guys. IDK what that’s all about, but OMG, they can’t even order food at a drive-thru, or answer their ringing cell phones without a mini anxiety attack. That’s whack!

If you read my blog about the man bun, then you may have already jumped to conclusions about how I feel about the dad bod, and you would be wrong. Slow your roll, big dawg; you need to chill! I actually LOVE the dad bod. dad bod shirtLove the name, Love the dad, Love the actual bod itself. I am ALL IN on the dad bod. *Is it weird that I think that should be put on a t-shirt? Perhaps “chubby-ish chaser” could go on the back in bling letters? I like to be festive, and show my support for anything I love* I agree ——->>>>

I did some light research on the topic and this is what I found:

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YES!  Let’s all take a moment and light-heartedly celebrate the masculine physique, AKA: dad bod, because dad bods are da bomb! Having a body of steel is just too much work. If you have one, then I feel like I need to have one too, and I don’t want to feel added pressure to have a 6 pack of anything that isn’t an alcoholic beverage. I have abs…….somewhere.

abs guy
I would choose the dad bod over this ⬆ , every day that ends in “Y” and I’m hella serious too!

Let’s face it, there’s something to be said about eye candy too, I mean, who doesn’t enjoy looking at a hottie with a great bod now and then? I saw a hottie with a man bun last weekend, and I was mesmerized by him even though I’m not the man bun’s biggest fan. *If you’re into hunky long haired guys, I know of a cool little hipster bar where you might be able to find one; schwing!* At the end of the night though, I want to go home and snuggle up to a guy whose abs don’t poke me in the back when I’m the little spoon. For the record, I prefer never to be poked in the back with your ‘abs and such anytime I’m the little spoon. Get it together, Butt Munch, OR WE WILL CUDDLE NO MORE! 

I need a cushion to lay up against when we’re snuggling together on the couch. I want hugs from a guy who can envelop my entire existence into his comfortable dad bod, because dad bods are comfortable, and that is a perk I will take full advantage of. I feel no shame. I realize muscly guys can do that also, but there’s so much risk. I don’t want to accidentally get punched in the face –by a bicep that’s bigger than my head- when muscle man goes in for a squeeze. I’m a tiny little woman! #Friends. I’m not here for a WWE convention, I just want to cozy on into your man nook without the risk of getting hurt. I hurt myself enough without any further assistance from you, giant fry. I’m so sure!

Pretty people with hot bodies are awesome, don’t get me wrong. If you want to work out 54 hours a week and have hard body parts, by all means, knock yourself out. You’re trying not to be a scrub so you can impress bae, and I think that’s really sweet. I’m sure you look stunning naked and you should be applauded for all your efforts 👏🏼. I just imagine resting my head on your rock hard bod would probably give me a migraine after a while, and I don’t want to get a migraine when I’m lookin’ for love, ya feel me? Bring me a guy who just had a milkshake, and is perhaps slightly bloated; I’m on it, literally! Nothing puts me to sleep faster than hearing all of your dinner gurgling around in your belly; NOT! Gag me with a spoon! I do love laying my head on your belly though.

I want a guy who takes me out for pizza, and wine, and eats hot dogs at baseball games, and doesn’t ask me to run to Costco for protein powder and muscle milk. Muscle milk is whack, and Costco runs are supposed to be about me! My hours in Costco are precious and should be spent deciding if I want organic bananas, or possibly a new couch. Do I need a whole case of wine, or can I tough it out with 5 bottles? Should I grab some salsa in case there’s an impromptu party? I think we need new bathmats. 8 gallons of ketchup for $4.99, AM I ON CANDID CAMERA?! Awe, those poor live lobsters…don’t let your brains focus on that right now and for the love DO NOT LOOK INTO THEIR SOULS! Did they rearrange? I want to sample all the things so I don’t have to cook myself lunch, and maybe buy some socks, and 800 rolls of toilet paper; didn’t I JUST buy toilet paper? Yes, I really do need 8 gallons of ketchup because I actually love hot dogs! Never once has a sample lady ever asked me if I’d like to try some protein powder mixed with a little muscle milk. I’d be like, “OMG, Grody! AS IF! Where is the popcorn chicken lady because YOU. ARE. BUGG’N!?!”

IMG_E2359
Just smile and nod.

I think it’s cool that the dad bod is being light-heartedly celebrated, because it should be. You can have a dad bod and still be eye candy; I know, because dad bods are everywhere! I’m married to one and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I think men get to be the butt of our jokes sometimes, because they’re just better at not getting their feelings hurt, in general. *Notice there isn’t a term called ‘mom bod’….yet. #Salty* But, everyone (I assume) has at some point had body image issues of some kind, and it’s whack that we spend so much time trying to be sexy for people who already think we are. Your body doesn’t make anyone laugh, ya know! Well, occasionally it does, but only when you’re making it funny by accidentally putting on an XS shirt, and then proceed to parade around the house in all your glory, because you insist that I “take it all in.” I did take it all in and I was highly entertained, I’m not gonna’ lie. #BAE is #LIT! I guess I should have said “your body doesn’t keep me warm at night” but that would also be a lie. Your body is surprisingly warm and my super cold feet are headed your way, brace yourself!

The point is, to all the dad bods reading this: it’s time to embrace your beer belly – muffin top – junk in the trunk situation, and get on with your comfortable, big spoon self! What a bunch of hunks you all are! I will show you some real support once I get my t-shirts printed, and I’ll be sure to order you an XS so you can parade around your house in all your glory too. 😜 You’re all phat, and I just think you should know that some of us really appreciate it! ❤️

T.

 

 

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