Does “I am Blanche” qualify as a bio?

Sophia, Dorothy, Blanche and Rose. Circa – 2009

A couple of nights ago I got a text alert on my phone. Seconds later, another alert, and then another and before you know it, it was sounding like an Amber alert had just been issued in my purse. Two words: Group. Text. Normally I think group texts are just the worst, but this particular one was hilarious and ultimately led me to start this blog.*Sidenote* I have no idea what I’m doing. And, to the person who was paid good money to write the article titled “5 easy steps to starting a blog” you suck really suck aren’t very good at your job. I don’t want to be your friend at all. I’ve been trying to set up my page for like 5 hours now and I don’t even know if I’ll ever find it again once I log out. I forgot my password already. Also, why is it “free” and also costs $48.00 a year? Shouldn’t YOU be paying ME? I’m doing all the work here. Is there a coupon code? I am so confused. Whatever. I’m here now and I paid the $48.00 so I figure I better at least get one thing posted, or published, or whatever we “bloggers” are calling it these days. Seriously though, why can’t there ever really just be 5 easy steps to anything? And does the term “blogger” sound pretentious to you? Asking for a friend.
One of the things you’ll eventually learn about me (if you don’t know me already) is that technology really ain’t ma thang! Except for SnapChat. That is some technology I can get behind, and I do, way more than I probably should. Another thing you’ll learn is that I have a lot to say and I get distracted easily by my own thoughts. Hence the *sidenotes*. I’ll eventually come back around so just try not to get your panties in a wad, homies. I don’t know why I’m talking like a gangsta right now, but I can’t contain it for some reason. #FirstBlogNerves
Ok, group text……..
So, this particular group text involved two friends from California and my sister and I. We grew up in CA, but are livin’ “the good life” now. Collectively, the four of us haven’t all talked in quite a while so 57 texts and lots of belly laughs later, each of us group texters had made sense of a lot of recent issues in our lives. Like, why does one of us think Al Gore is sexy 😳? (not me)  How many mouth wrinkles are normal for a 42-year-old? How do you send a GIF? “bladder purses”?! Which of the “Golden Girls” are each of us, and OMG let’s have a GG themed party! I’m Blanche Devereaux (obviously) in case you were wondering, and I CANNOT wait to stuff my bra and wear shiny pants at our GG theme party! (I’m going to talk like her too because apparently, accents are ma thang). Nobody wanted to be Dorothy and we laughed really hard over it. Really hard. Dorothy was kind of a hag, but every solid friend group has a Dorothy – it’s just science, or maybe math 🤔. If you’re older than 30, you’ve probably discussed which Golden Girl you are too, and if you haven’t, it’s probably because you’re Dorothy and you just aren’t ready to own it yet. I feel you.
Talking with the Golden Girls was good for our souls and “Sophia” actually sent me the article on how to blog the very next day. Lots of friends have suggested I write but for whatever reason, I wasn’t compelled to do it until the -very unhelpful- instructions were in my actual hands. Maybe I’ll write a blog about timing at some point but I know this wasn’t random, even though it was.
Anyway…..
Per the “5 easy steps” I was supposed to write a brief bio or have some kind of a tagline that would describe who I am. That doesn’t seem like that big of a deal, right? I’ve lived with myself my entire life. I get me. I know all my innermost thoughts and dreams. I know what I do all day, and where my mind goes when it drifts, and what makes me happy, and mad, and all of the other feels. Yet I sat there with that little cursor just blinking away, not knowing how to summarize myself in a way that would “captivate an audience”. Well, I don’t know what to tell ya. I’m not really a “captivate an audience” type of girl. I’m 39 years old and I still refer to myself as a “girl” for some reason. Do other women do that? (Squirrel!) I have a lot of words so trying to condense myself into a paragraph seems like an overwhelming task for some reason. Can you just call my friends and family and ask them? Can I maybe fill out one of those 20 question things on Facebook and post it on here? How do I post photos on here?
All you really need to know about me is that I have a lot of thoughts, and I have dramatic tendencies; combining the two usually makes for some pretty entertaining stories. I’m sarcastic, I love laughing, and I express my feelings regularly and with as much accuracy as possible. I always know how I feel and talking about it and being able to relate with others, feeds me somehow. I don’t understand why everyone doesn’t share the same enthusiasm for communication, but it’s kinda like farts….better out than in if you ask me. Does that help? Do you “get me” now? Did I have you at “Farts”?
This blog will be very random in the sense that it just depends on what’s going on in my life that day, or at that time. I will write about my life and my experiences and that is my whole entire plan at this point. I have surprisingly not given this a lot of thought. *sidenote* The irony of that statement is not lost on me. I don’t really have any intention with this blogging situation other than to lighten the load in my brain, and hopefully be able to offer my take on things in a way that is relatable and might help someone get through the day. Sometimes we need a snorting, belly laugh kind of read, and other times we need something to help us have a good cry. I’m here for ya, man. The nice thing about being a reader is you’re here by choice so this uncommitted reader/writer relationship has no pressure attached – not for you, anyway. Hopefully, we’ll both get something out of this whole blogging adventure. Cheers to us; we got this!
T.

I stole this off of my Facebook page. It was a note I wrote in 2009 that I updated a little bit. Consider it a “bio” of sorts. 🙂
25 Random Things, Facts, Habits. Thursday, January 29th, 2009
1. Lionel Richie is my biggest obsession. I don’t find him attractive but he is without question, my soulmate.
2. I think out of all the vegetables in the world I probably only like about 5.
3. My beverages of choice are coffee, water, and wine, and I can probably drink my weight in mimosas.
4. All three of my kids have different colored eyes. I have a daughter (15) and twin boys (12).
5. I’m an Aries and so are the two people I’m closest to; my husband and my big sister. All of our birthdays are 5 days apart.
6. When I get nervous or burn myself, my armpits itch uncontrollably.
7. I got engaged when I was 19. We’re still together. I have so many thoughts on getting married young. I could easily plead a case for, or against it.
8. My boys both knew where their weenies were before they knew where their noses were.
9. Kool-Aid changes my personality. Black-cherry, all the way!
10. My family is really close. Sometimes, annoyingly close.
11. I think road trips should be required at least twice a year.
12. I have a lot of different friend groups.
13. I would help anyone that asked me, even if I didn’t know them, or like them that much.
14. I cry fairly regularly. Crying always makes me feel like I did an internal cleanse. I cry about normal sadness or pain, like everyone else, but I’m especially prone to crying if I’m really mad or overly tired. Really mad AND overly tired, is basically the worst case scenario for my personality. If you ever find me in that state of mind, buckle up, buttercup!
15. I talk to God at least 10 times a day. I talk to myself, or my dogs all the rest of the time.
16. Freshly cut grass is my favorite smell. And the green “Afta” aftershave, but I don’t even know if that exists anymore.
17. I wish people would not turn on their Christmas lights until Thanksgiving night. I also wish they’d take them down no later than New Year’s Day.
18. I hate when people aren’t genuine and I can always tell.
19. I get “the blues” really bad in the winter.
20. I am an Empath. My intuition is usually on point, but I don’t always listen to it.
21. If past lives exist, I’m pretty sure I was a man in mine.
22. I’m a great communicator. I can be a lot of work for those that aren’t.
23. I love to create pretty spaces.
24. I love babies and puppies and having parties of any kind. I don’t like pie.
25. I am a daughter, little sister, wife, mom, boss and now….blogger.